Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
