you didnt know i had herpes?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
