your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
