Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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