The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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