I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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