I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
