Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
