pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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