I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
