just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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