I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
