no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
