is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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