You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
