I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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