Where did you get a picture of my penis
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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