Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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