glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
