I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
