just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
