Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
