Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
