me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
honey bunches of taint.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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