So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just found puke in my bra..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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