I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
