I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
