so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
