He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
