he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
