worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
