Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
