ya dads aren't the best wingmen
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
