My vagina just recognized that song.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
