Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
