so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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