Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
