am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
