i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
