I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
