My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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