im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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