I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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