So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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