I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
