I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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