worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
