I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
