Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
