You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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