Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
