HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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