He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
