he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
